Not my best blog post, mind you. I didn’t write it. Well, actually I did, kind of. If you’re confused at this point, thinking that this is a self-referential post, I apologize. This is a meta-post, and the post that I’m talking about is a repost below my commentary. I like the post because it manages to articulate (though not necessarily directly) a ton of wisdom (or at least values that I espouse) relatively succinctly. The post is old (six years this month), but the aphorisms are timeless.
Main points / morals / maxims
- True love is not jealous or selfish. True love is caring for another’s wellbeing and wanting them to be happy, even if that means they are not with you.
- Love is not manipulative or needy.
- Give without expecting anything in return.
- Be honest and forthright in your relationships.
- Respect others’ decisions to lead their own lives.
- Don’t begrudge others their happiness just because you’re hurting.
- Be empathetic with those who are immature. You were immature once, too.
- We are nothing without our emotions, values, and passions. They make us who we are.
- The fact that those same emotions, values, and passions may be ineffable/inexplicable does not diminish or invalidate them (see Our Two Selves). They are fundamental in their own right.
- With great power comes great responsibility (that’s the catchphrase of old uncle Ben).
- Know thyself.
- Don’t be a dogmatist.
You may have to read it a couple times to fully appreciate it, but it’s worth it. So, with no further adieu, I present the best blog post of all time*.
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I doubt he will read this, but I just had to get this off my chest:
I see much of myself in you. Granted, you represent a far more inexperienced, selfish, and arrogant version, but the fact remains: I feel a kinship. Unfortunately, you seem to view the situation with the eyes and heart of a dogmatist. This saddens me. Let me start again . . .
Dude, I know you're hurting, but you know what? I've known FAR more pain than your sheltered mind has EVER had to live with. Your emotional distress CANNOT justify your actions, nor your words. You possess a power, and it saddens me terribly that you do not wield such with any measure of responsibly. How can you claim a deep abiding love for her when you treat her as a child? Why do you persist in convincing her YOU know what's best - that YOU know what's right? If the "love" is true, what component of "her" can you possibly love if you demean her mind - her ability to think and decide for herself? Her free will? You see, it doesn't matter how you wish to rationalize it; word play is sophistry and nothing more. "Different attitudes . . . jeez," huh? Well, they're more important than you accredit them; attitudes are a function of values. Let me ask you, who are we without our values, our passions, our sense of the right? It doesn't matter that she can't articulate WHY she feels as she does. After all, since [when] did emotions become a function of the rational? You have it backwards: the conscious mind only justifies our choices. And why does she have to justify her choices to YOU? Why do you think she OWES you anything? Her life, her choices. She's the one that has to live with those consequences. She's the one that's been losing sleep. Granted, you may be as well. But I remind you now that she was NOT losing sleep until you thrust upon her the ultimatum. Why bring her down? Can you not simply tell her how you feel, and trust in her to do what's right for HER? Oh, wait . . . I forgot: you know better. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't feel I'm a better person than you; but I've been there before. You're still green in my eyes. You wonder how we could POSSIBLY have become as close as we have in so short a time? I know who I am. I was honest in all things. I gave her the whole of my soul, and accepted all aspects of who she was, while expecting nothing in return. You can't do that. You're not ready for that. And that's alright. But don't begrudge her HER happiness just because YOU can't find your "center" outside of her. I've told her many times that I wish her only happiness, whether that be by my side or not. I don't expect you to do the same; as I've already written, I'm certain you CANNOT do so at this time in your life. I don't hold that against you, though. I just ask that you ease up. The problem here is that you aren't making her any happier, and that's the one criterion I need for my own piece of mind.
Peace be unto you, [XXXXX]
May you find that which you so desperately seek
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Update (09/26/10 11:12AM):
I know that I often come off as being moralistic, perhaps even self-righteous. Regarding the former, in a technical sense, it's true. These are my idiosyncratic values, but I do think the world would be a better place if they were shared. Concerning the latter, (1) while I do hold high standards for myself, I often fall short of them, (2) I do not hold others to those same standards, and (3) I don't think that I'm necessarily a better person because of my beliefs and values. Anyway, I share this because (1) I believe that a person's beliefs and values are fundamental aspects of who they are, and (2) they are things to ponder even if you don't agree with them.
